No Pocket Watches, No Mind Control, and Usually a Lot More Than Hypnosis
There is a particular look people sometimes give me when they find out what I do.
I’ve seen it for more than a decade.
Someone asks what I do for a living.
I tell them:
“I’m a hypnotherapist.”
There’s a pause.
Sometimes an eyebrow goes up.
And then comes some version of the question:
“So…can you make me cluck like a chicken?”
Yes.
That’s what I’ve spent all these years studying for.
Poultry impersonation.
Occasionally someone asks about a pocket watch.
Sometimes they want to know whether I can make their spouse do something.
And almost everybody eventually asks:
“Can you make me do something I don’t want to do?”
No.
And despite what movies, television, stage hypnosis, TikTok, and a century or so of strange cultural baggage may have taught you, that’s not what happens in my office.
But here’s something else that sometimes surprises people.
You can make an appointment with a hypnotherapist…
and we may not use hypnosis at all.
Because my job isn’t to hypnotize you.
My job is to help you.
So What Is Hypnosis?
That’s a surprisingly complicated question.
Researchers have studied hypnosis for a long time, and there are still different theories about exactly how hypnotic phenomena work.
That’s okay.
Science doesn’t require us to pretend we know more than we do.
Generally speaking, hypnosis involves focused attention, reduced attention to competing stimuli, and an increased capacity to respond to suggestions.
But let’s make that less academic.
Have you ever driven somewhere familiar and realized you remember almost nothing about part of the drive?
You weren’t unconscious.
You weren’t asleep.
You could still respond if a car pulled in front of you.
Your attention was simply absorbed elsewhere while familiar behavior continued.
Or maybe you’ve become so absorbed in a movie that you temporarily stopped paying attention to the room around you.
Someone spoke to you and you didn’t hear them.
Or you’ve been reading and suddenly realized you’ve gone through several paragraphs without consciously processing any of them.
None of those experiences is exactly the same thing as clinical hypnosis.
But they demonstrate something important:
Human attention is remarkably flexible.
We can become absorbed.
We can narrow attention.
We can imagine things vividly.
We can respond physically and emotionally to things happening primarily inside our minds.
Hypnosis makes intentional use of some of those abilities.
No magic required.
Will I Be Unconscious?
No.
Despite the terminology we’ve inherited, hypnosis isn’t simply sleep.
You generally remain aware of what’s happening.
You can hear me.
You can think.
You can move.
You can speak.
You can disagree.
And you can stop participating.
Sometimes people emerge from a formal hypnosis session and say:
“I don’t think I was hypnotized. I heard everything you said.”
Good.
I wasn’t trying to knock you unconscious.
In fact, hypnosis often feels far less dramatic than people expect.
You may feel deeply relaxed.
You may not.
You may notice changes in how your body feels.
You may become absorbed in imagery.
You may simply feel like you’re sitting in a chair listening to me talk.
There isn’t one required feeling that proves hypnosis “worked.”
Will I Lose Control?
This is probably the biggest fear.
“What if you make me do something?”
I can’t take over your mind.
Hypnosis isn’t a remote control.
You don’t surrender your values, judgment, or agency when you participate in hypnosis.
And I don’t want that kind of relationship with the people I work with anyway.
My entire philosophy points in the opposite direction.
I want you to have more agency over your life, not less.
The goal isn’t:
“Give me control of your mind.”
It’s:
“Let’s help you understand some of the automatic responses that seem to be controlling you.”
That’s a very different proposition.
But I’ve Seen Stage Hypnotists…
I know.
I’ve seen them too.
People dancing.
Forgetting numbers.
Believing their shoe is a telephone.
Doing things they’d swear beforehand they would never do.
Stage hypnosis is entertainment.
The people participating volunteered to walk onto a stage in front of an audience knowing they were attending a hypnosis show.
Stage hypnotists are also very good at selecting responsive, willing participants and creating an environment where people expect unusual things to happen.
That’s a very different context from someone sitting in my office because they’re struggling with anxiety, smoking, grief, fear, an old experience, or an unwanted habit.
You’re not coming to entertain an audience.
You’re coming because something in your life isn’t working the way you’d like it to.
And that’s where our attention stays.
“Can Everybody Be Hypnotized?”
People differ in hypnotic responsiveness.
Some people respond very readily.
Others less so.
And responses can vary depending on the person, context, expectations, method, and what we’re trying to accomplish.
But here’s the part that’s more important in my practice:
I’m not dependent on hypnosis.
If the only tool I owned was a hammer, I’d spend all day looking for nails.
I don’t want to practice that way.
If you’re sitting across from me and I’m thinking:
How do I hypnotize this person?
I’m asking the wrong question.
The question should be:
What’s happening, and what might help?
Sometimes hypnosis is part of that answer.
Sometimes it isn’t.
The Hypnotherapist Who Doesn’t Always Hypnotize People
This is part of the reason I sometimes jokingly refer to myself as The UnHypnotist.
I’m a hypnotherapist.
I’ve spent years learning and practicing hypnosis.
I respect the tool.
I’ve watched people make remarkable changes while using it.
But I’m not interested in turning every human problem into an excuse to perform hypnosis.
Over the years, my toolbox has grown.
Depending on the person and the problem, our work may include:
hypnosis,
conversational hypnosis,
guided imagery,
mindfulness,
breathing techniques,
tapping,
reframing,
attention exercises,
journaling,
emotional processing,
behavioral exercises,
working with beliefs and stories,
or simply asking a question nobody has asked before.
I also use Multichannel Eye Movement Integration, or MEMI, in some of my work with distressing memories and experiences.
Sometimes several approaches overlap.
Sometimes one simple intervention is enough to create movement.
And sometimes the most useful thing that happens during a session is a person finally understanding:
“Oh. That’s why I do that.”
Because understanding changes what becomes possible next.
People Aren’t Protocols
This may be one of the most important things I’ve learned in more than a decade of doing this work.
Two people can walk through my door and both say:
“I have anxiety.”
They may be experiencing completely different patterns.
One is afraid of bodily sensations because of a previous panic attack.
Another grew up constantly anticipating conflict.
Another is under enormous legitimate stress at work.
Another fears being judged.
Another has developed a pattern of catastrophic thinking.
Another may have a medical issue contributing to the symptoms.
Same word.
Different people.
Different stories.
Different needs.
The same is true of smoking.
Grief.
Anger.
Trauma.
Confidence.
Habits.
Fear.
That’s why I’m cautious about cookie-cutter programs that begin with a diagnosis or symptom and immediately prescribe the same technique for everyone.
People aren’t protocols.
Before deciding what we’re going to do, I’d like to understand who I’m doing it with.
What Happens During the First Session?
People are often relieved when I tell them we don’t begin with me immediately leaning them backward in a chair and saying:
“You’re getting sleepy…”
We talk.
A lot.
I want to understand what brought you in.
What is happening?
When did it start?
When does it happen?
What makes it better?
What makes it worse?
What have you already tried?
What do you believe is happening?
And most importantly:
What would you like to be different?
That last question matters.
Someone may tell me:
“I want to get rid of my anxiety.”
Okay.
But what would you be doing if anxiety weren’t making your decisions?
Driving?
Traveling?
Speaking?
Dating?
Sleeping?
Going to the grocery store?
Having difficult conversations?
Living alone?
Taking opportunities you’ve been avoiding?
Now we’re getting somewhere.
I don’t only want to know what you want to stop feeling.
I want to know what you want your life to look like instead.
What Does Hypnosis Look Like When We Actually Use It?
That depends.
Formal hypnosis may involve sitting comfortably while I guide your attention.
I might ask you to focus on your breathing.
Notice physical sensations.
Imagine something.
Recall something.
Think about something differently.
Respond to suggestions.
Practice mentally experiencing a situation with a different response.
The language and approach depend on what we’re working toward.
Other times hypnosis may be much more conversational.
There isn’t necessarily a dramatic:
“And now we begin hypnosis.”
Human beings naturally move through different states of focused attention throughout the day.
My job is to use attention intentionally and ethically toward an agreed-upon goal.
Can Hypnosis Erase a Memory?
That’s not my goal.
And I’d be very cautious about anyone promising that.
Memory isn’t a video file stored in your head that I can simply delete.
When we’re working with a difficult memory, the goal may instead be to change your relationship with it.
You can remember something without experiencing the same level of distress every time it comes to mind.
The event can remain part of your history without constantly behaving like it’s happening in the present.
That’s one reason I use tools such as MEMI when appropriate.
We aren’t trying to rewrite history.
We’re trying to help history stop unnecessarily running today.
Can You Make Me Quit Smoking?
This question usually gets phrased as:
“Can you hypnotize me so I don’t want cigarettes anymore?”
Sometimes people experience significant changes very quickly with smoking.
Other people require more work.
There isn’t a magic number of sessions.
Smoking can involve nicotine dependence, routines, environmental cues, stress management, identity, social patterns, emotional associations, and years of repeated behavior.
Hypnosis can be useful as part of smoking cessation for some people, but I’m not going to promise that I’ll say six magic sentences and you’ll walk out incapable of ever wanting another cigarette.
We’re interested in the whole pattern.
When do you smoke?
What does smoking do for you?
What happens immediately before you reach for one?
What are you afraid will happen if you stop?
What situations are strongly associated with smoking?
The cigarette is a behavior.
I want to understand the system around it.
Can Hypnosis Help Anxiety?
Potentially.
But again, “anxiety” describes a huge range of experiences.
We might use hypnosis to work with relaxation, attention, imagery, expectations, feared situations, or automatic responses.
We may also discover that another tool is more useful.
And if your symptoms suggest that you need medical evaluation or treatment from a licensed mental-health professional, I’m going to tell you.
The goal isn’t proving hypnosis can solve everything.
The goal is getting you appropriate help.
What About Trauma?
This deserves particular care.
Hypnosis should not be used as some kind of archaeological expedition to dig for supposedly hidden traumatic memories.
Human memory is reconstructive and can be influenced by suggestion.
I’m not interested in planting explanations for your problems or convincing you that something must have happened to you.
When we’re working with an experience you already know occurred, we may work with the emotions, beliefs, expectations, triggers, or automatic responses associated with it.
Depending on the situation, I may use hypnosis.
I may use MEMI.
I may use something else.
And sometimes the appropriate recommendation is trauma-focused treatment with a licensed clinician.
Again:
The person determines the tool.
Not the other way around.
Is Hypnosis Scientific?
Hypnosis isn’t supernatural.
It’s a real psychological phenomenon that has been studied scientifically for many decades.
Researchers have investigated hypnotic suggestion, attention, perception, pain, brain activity, expectations, and clinical applications.
That doesn’t mean every claim made about hypnosis is scientifically supported.
They’re not.
And it doesn’t mean hypnosis has equally strong evidence for every problem people advertise it for.
It doesn’t.
Research support varies considerably by application.
Hypnosis has been studied in areas including pain management and anxiety associated with some medical procedures, among others. Evidence for other applications is more limited or mixed.
I’m comfortable saying:
“We don’t know yet.”
I don’t need hypnosis to be magic in order for it to be useful.
What I Won’t Promise You
I won’t promise to cure everything.
I won’t promise every person will respond the same way.
I won’t promise one session.
I won’t promise that hypnosis is always the right tool.
I won’t tell you to stop appropriate medical or psychiatric treatment.
I won’t tell you that your physician doesn’t understand the “real” cause of your problem.
And I won’t try to convince you that you need months of sessions before we’ve even met.
That’s one reason I no longer sell packages.
I don’t know how many sessions you need.
I haven’t met you yet.
Maybe we’ll accomplish what you came for relatively quickly.
Maybe we’ll discover something that requires more time.
Maybe I’ll meet you and tell you I’m not the person you need.
That’s okay too.
My Job Is to Get Rid of You as a Client
I say this often enough that longtime clients have heard it more than once.
My job is to get rid of you as a client.
That probably isn’t the greatest slogan ever created for customer retention.
But I mean it.
I don’t want to create dependence.
I want you to understand what’s happening.
I want you to learn skills.
I want you to recognize patterns.
I want you to become increasingly capable of responding differently without needing me sitting beside you.
Maybe we use hypnosis to help accomplish that.
Maybe MEMI.
Maybe mindfulness.
Maybe reframing.
Maybe several different things.
Those are tools.
You are the person doing the changing.
Eventually I want you to walk out of my office—or close the Zoom window—and realize:
I’ve got this.
That’s success.
So What Does a Hypnotherapist Actually Do?
At least in my office?
I listen.
I ask questions.
I look for patterns.
I help people become curious about things they’ve spent years criticizing themselves for.
I teach people about some of the ways thoughts, attention, emotions, habits, expectations, and learned responses can influence behavior.
I use hypnosis when I believe hypnosis may be useful.
I use other tools when they’re more appropriate.
And sometimes I tell someone they need something I don’t provide.
It’s considerably less mysterious than most people expect.
There are no magic words.
No mind control.
No surrendering your will.
And I haven’t made anybody cluck like a chicken yet.
Although apparently there’s still time.
If You’re Wondering Whether This Could Help You
You don’t have to decide whether you need hypnosis.
That’s my job to help figure out.
You tell me what’s happening.
Tell me what you’ve already tried.
Tell me what you’d like to be different.
We’ll start there.
An Initial Consultation is $50.
It’s a 20–30 minute online conversation where we determine what’s happening and whether the kind of work I do seems like an appropriate fit.
If we decide to continue, the entire $50 consultation fee is credited toward your $175 Initial Session.
Sessions after that are $95 each.
No packages.
No contracts.
No predetermined number of sessions.
And no requirement that I hypnotize you just because the sign says hypnosis.
Because after more than a decade of doing this work, I still come back to the same principle:
My job isn’t to hypnotize you.
My job is to help you.
Understanding changes everything.
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